You have always followed my story of looking for a job abroad and then moving to Germany after finding it in Munich from my point of view from the articles in the section Living abroad.. However, in such situations where it is not possible for two people to move, one leaves while the other stays behind, and he had to organize his life according to the changing conditions.. Moreover, doing this was as difficult as going.
The question “What will my wife do if I find a job abroad?” When the questions increased, my wife, as someone who has experienced this, decided to prepare an article series that tells you about her own process.. I hope you will find answers to the questions in your mind and I leave the floor to him
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- My love, they made an offer?!
- Well accept it then!
2015′ This was our phone conversation with Fatma in December after her interview in Munich.. This seemingly simple and short dialogue was actually just the tip of the iceberg of our process of moving abroad.
Fatma has been in a very troublesome job search process abroad for about three years. it was pretty worn out. He tried his luck many times in Dublin and London, we did not meet any company in the sector from Google to Facebook.. In fact, some of these interviews coincided with our vacations, preparing for those interviews while I was sipping my beer on the beach.
Unfortunately (or luckily ) none of them happened and because he knew German, he turned to Germany. Their applications in Germany were concluded very quickly and one of them was immediately invited to Frankfurt for an interview.. But that didn’t happen either, and soon after, he got an invitation from Munich.. Before that departure, we had a conversation like this:
- My love, go to this too and it will be the last.. How many years have you worn out enough, if that doesn’t work, let it go.. My company will send me somewhere somehow, you can try your luck wherever it is.
- Okay, let this be the last.
Yes, it was indeed the end.. At the end of three years, after numerous interviews and preparation for the interview, he received the offer in the last interview he went to.. I said accept it without thinking.. A friend of mine who was with me at that moment was more worried than me and asked me all day, “Son, what will happen now?” he kept saying. In fact, his anxiety was so great that I calmed him down by saying that it would be solved somehow after a while
Although we wanted to live abroad for a long time, it suddenly ceased to be a dream. we didn’t know what to do. What would really happen now? Ahead of us was a period full of uncertainties and difficulties, and the duration of which was uncertain.. After that phone call, we both found ourselves alone with endless questions.
At Fatma’s farewell party in January 2016 I surprised her with the “Life and Travel cake.”
The questions we had were similar: Would she live there alone? How long would we be apart? Would this breakup hurt our relationship? How would we run it? What would my job situation be if he got used to it? If he couldn’t get used to it and came back, would his psychology be worsened? vs.. So many questions that I did not write here came from our environment and family.. But we wanted it so badly and we wouldn’t know until we tried.. So together we decided to take this risk.
Nothing was achieved in life without taking risks, stepping out of the comfort zone and having difficulties.. We were either going to continue with our current life without complaining or we were going to take action to change it and get what we wanted.. We both knew it would be difficult, but if we didn’t try, we would both regret it for the rest of our lives.
He would go ahead so we would take a step and try and see over time.. Our plan was not very detailed, we were going to arrange the Turkish-style caravan on the road.
First we conveyed the issue to our families.. I can never forget her mother’s tearful saying, “I am very happy for you, but at the same time I am very sad”. Both of our families welcomed our decision with joy and concern, but most importantly with respect, and did not hold back their support.
Then I shared the issue with my own company. My company, which is an international company, already knew my request to work in a location outside of Turkey and supported me to find a suitable position abroad (anywhere in the world).. I explained my husband’s situation and that he is the only one who is gone for now, and that he will come to me if they send me to an organization abroad.. That was the plan. He would try Munich, and I would wait for an assignment within my own company.. Then we would somehow decide where it was good and get together there.
So, with questions in our minds but confident of our decision, we took Fatma’s suitcases in the second week of January 2016 and went to Munich.
The priority was accommodation, we had to find her a home. With a week off from work, I was going to help him find a house and set him up and come back.. But finding a house in Munich was not as easy as we thought.
Munich, which we have just arrived at, was already famous for finding a house and weather conditions made it difficult for us.
After countless applications, dozens of phone calls and home visits, we were starting to get depressed.. Moreover, it was terribly cold outside and it was snowing like crazy.. I was slowly starting to think that we wouldn’t be able to complete this job in a week and to look for ways to take another week off from work.
Then God smiled at us and on the fourth day we had a 30 square meter matchbox size. Our application for the apartment has been accepted.. In the remaining three days, we hastily completed the deficiencies of the house and made it livable.. At the end of a week, we left, one in Munich and the other in Istanbul, with tears in our eyes, and our heads full of even more question marks.
The most uncertain period ahead Fatma’ It was the first 6-month trial period in ‘s new company.. Maybe he wouldn’t like it, he wouldn’t be able to get used to it, maybe he wouldn’t be able to perform as expected in his job with such anxiety and loneliness, and the roads would separate, he would have to return.
House After we found it, we rushed to shop to make up for what was missing.
Uncertainty and stress damaged both of us from time to time.. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, we were starting to struggle, but we were prepared for it, we were going to endure.
We survived the first six months without any problems.. He had passed the dangerous corner in his job and got used to his job and environment.. It was hard to deal with everything alone in a foreign country but my wife was strong too, she never complained about being alone there for once or anything she had trouble dealing with.. On the other hand, I was in my accustomed environment and with my friends, but I was missing because he was not there.. Therefore, the situation was not easy for both of us, and we met once a month, sometimes in Istanbul, sometimes in Munich, and sometimes in another city in Europe, to satisfy our longing.. When we met in other cities, we even tried to look at it in a positive way because we had an excuse to travel more.. Every day we were apart, we ate our dinner together with Facetime.
Meanwhile, I started learning German just in case.. I thought that if my going to Germany became clear, it would be helpful to go knowing at least the most basic things.. But it was really hard and sometimes I fell into despair. I will tell about my adventure of learning German in another article, let’s continue our story for now.
I will tell you about our meetings when I lived in Istanbul and Fatma Munich. We arranged one of them in Paris.
After 10 months, we started to like Munich more and gradually the idea of living in Germany became clear in our minds.. Indeed we were fuckin’ the caravan on the road. We sat down and agreed that I should resign with a second radical decision.. I would talk to my company again and ask permission if I don’t see a possible assignment in the short term.. Because we decided to live in Munich and we didn’t want to bear the financial and moral burden of living apart anymore.
We shared our decision with our families again.. This time, they were worried that I would leave without a job, but at least they were happier that we would be together now, and of course, they supported and prayed again.
But this time we had to take more calculable risks. The financial dimensions of the job would be different, because only one salary would enter the house for an uncertain period.. First, we would wait for our ongoing loan debts to end.. I was going to apply for jobs and try my luck.. After a few tries, I got to the bidding stage and was eliminated at the last moment.. It also increased my self-confidence.. I thought it would be easier after I learned it if I had reached this level in interviews without knowing German, and I was even more confident to implement our decision.
The job had come to present my resignation.. In corporate life, no one can give you definite promises, definite time plans about career changes.. A career plan is agreed in principle, but it depends on many variables and there are no definite time plans. That’s how it happened for me too. My company couldn’t give me any short, medium or long term assignment plans and I didn’t want to wait any longer so I shared my resignation.
I was happy in my company, but I had to resign because they could not offer me a foreign position under the current conditions.
Things were so good for me at my company that someone in that situation resigned and It might not seem logical from the outside that he risked burning out his career.. I loved both my job and my company, I was working hard and I was getting good results.. But Fatma came first with what I wanted in my life and I believed in myself that I could start a new career from scratch.
My managers and coworkers also appreciated and got angry.. Some said how bravely, some said how stupid. Some said that he could never do it himself, this act set an example for others.. Appreciation, resentment, frustration, or support, whatever you call it.. The reactions I got from my colleagues, managers and relatives were as confused as we were.
In the 3 months notice period after my resignation, I had to go through family reunification visa procedures, farewell tours on the one hand, and farewell tours on the other. I started the process of tidying the house.. Visa procedures were the easiest among them.. In addition to the emotional burden of saying goodbye, there was the nervous stress of moving in.. After talking to many transport companies, we came to the conclusion that it is extremely unreasonable to transport goods; because the transport prices were 15,000 Euros and above. Already the house in Munich was 30 square meters and it was not the right time to move to a big house, because I did not have a job yet.. In fact, we first thought of moving to a big house, which is considered normal under Turkish conditions.. But then, due to the high rents in Munich and I am not working, we did not take this risk and decided to test ourselves with a minimalist life in 30 square meters.
At first we thought of keeping a warehouse for our brand new items.. Then we decided to move the goods to the warehouse, rent that warehouse, then bring it back to Munich, and because we couldn’t predict how long it would take, we decided to make another radical decision and sell everything.
Ben I’ve also sold everything from laundry to full-length mirrors on LetGo.. Of course, this selling business was not as easy as I wrote.. I can say that I often felt indescribable in the face of the questions and demands of the people of my country on LetGo.. You choose whether to ask for delivery, to ask for the kg weight of the items, or to scold the price.
After deciding to sell the items Some of the messages I received in the LetGo application that I used later infuriated me.
But what I can’t forget is the young friends who bought the first items I sold on Letgo.. When one lives in Istanbul, one gets a little paranoid as he encounters news of theft, fraud or murder every day.. That’s why, after agreeing on the price and delivery day with this friend on the phone, a wolf fell on me; I started to wonder what would happen if this man or men came to the house and beat me and robbed me of my belongings.. So it’s not going to happen. Then you know, everyone has a few friends they call first in a fight, so I called my good friends.. I said come on, let’s wait together, whatever happens
The funny thing is that the friends who came to buy the items were more scared than us.. They were two students who said, “What will we do if these people take our money, beat us and don’t give us the goods Fortunately, no one extorted or battered anyone and it was a clean trade. But those two friends were going to buy a sofa from someone after me and they sent the money to the man in advance.. They were not at all sure they could get the sofa or show up at the address the man had given.. I hope they were able to buy it
It was now in my dreams to collect all the items and sell the ones to be sold.
After countless nervous Letgo conversations, within 3 months, I hated furniture and moving so much that it haunted my dreams at night.. Because of my nervousness, Fatma was afraid to talk to me on the phone I was like gunpowder, but I was also on the gas, I sold everything including the house itself, including the cutlery, and finally felt incredibly free.. I realized how unnecessarily we attach importance to things, how much we pay for things we don’t use.. So, my advice to young friends who will get married is that instead of getting married and visiting the furniture store, as İlber Hoca said, get married again, but travel the world.. And don’t buy it just because you need it, believe me, you don’t need it
Since I got rid of my belongings, I finally got out of 140m2 3+1 in Tarabya and 30m2 1 in Munich. I was ready with my two suitcases to settle in +0.
First I went to Bodrum to kiss my parents’ blessings. Then I talked to all my friends that I had saved in the 10 years I spent in Istanbul.. I did my jubilee in the astroturf game and I was taken on the shoulders. Last time I got ripped off at company events. I drank coffee with some of my friends, raki with some, Beyran with others A last breakfast on the Bosphorus..
Happiness and happiness of having good friends and With the sadness of leaving them, I completed my farewell tours.
After a farewell tour filled with laughter and tears, I could go now. The time was up.. I was leaving you Istanbul..
I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I needed a pretty good vacation, and I didn’t have to worry about how many days off I would take.. I think I deserved a nice holiday, and we were going to give the holiday its due first and then move on to Munich.. I stored the energy I needed during our holiday in Singapore, Bali and Malaysia, and now I entered Munich as someone who will live in Germany.
On the way we set out so that we can fix the caravan on the way. Of course, as I progressed, I had not neglected to make small plans.. I’ve never been someone who can live spontaneously without a plan anyway.. That’s why I wasn’t going to go to Munich just shaking my hand after the holiday, I had plans to learn German and adapt immediately.. In fact, on the second day I went, I would earn my first money and bring home some bread
Continuing our adventure, I shared my first days after moving, what I did to learn German in a short time, and my spiritual world. I will continue..
Germany through the eyes of my wife (2): The Cheesy Part of the Job Learning German, you can continue with my writing.
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